Rants and Raves from a proud card-carrying, unilateralist and simplistic American member of the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy. Oh, and full-time Emperor and Ruler of All the Known Universe and Every Last Organism in it as well.




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Fisking™ the Fisk

The Grand Mullah of Idiotarianism is at it again, and this time he's really getting worked up about it:

Robert Fisk: America's case for war is built on blindness, hypocrisy and lies

Well... Coming from a well-established expert in those three fields, perhaps I should actually read this one... Wait a minute while I get the barf bags, please.

George Bush and Donald Rumsfeld are wilfully ignoring the realities of the Middle East. The result can only be catastrophic.

Now where did I hear that damn song before? The lyrics went something along the lines of "Brutal Afghan Winter", "Graveyard Of Empires" and s'more nonsense that I don't recall any more. But don't let that stop you, Bobby. (As if anything could stop that terminal case of keyboard diarrhea from pounding out Idiotarian claptrap).

And he does.

First the Idiotarian Extraordinaire takes us on a trip down memory lane to a seedy snug restaurant in Tehran, where Bobby relives an interview he once had with an Iraqi ex-head of nuclear research who'd been tortured by Saddam's henchmen. Initially this might confuse the casual Fisk-reader a bit, considering how it apparently paints Bobby's friend Saddam in a somewhat unfortunate light.

But oh no, the Fisk™ is far too erm... "smart" for that. He immediately springs his fiendishly "clever" trap on all of us anti-Idiotarians by stating:

All this happened, of course, when Saddam Hussein was still our friend, when we were encouraging him to go on killing Iranians in his 1980-88 war against Tehran,

You see? We didn't pull out Saddam's fingernails and hang him from a palm tree then, so therefore we can never consider doing it, ever. Because situations never change and people, once endorsed in any shape, form or fashion, remain eternally your responsibility.

Welcome to the "logic" of the universe that Idiotarians inhabit.

when the US government – under President Bush Snr – was giving Iraq preferential agricultural assistance funding.

Odd... I don't remember Bush '41 being president between '80 and '88. Must've passed under my radar. Well... Fisk says so, so it must be true...

Not long before, Saddam's pilots had fired a missile into an American warship called the Stark and almost sunk it. Pilot error, claimed Saddam – the American vessel had been mistaken for an Iranian oil tanker – and the US government cheerfully forgave the Iraqi dictator.

Of course, according to Bobby, we should immediately have dropped everything and gone to war against Iraq, right?

It's odd how we can learn here that it would be alright for the US to go to war based on an accident involving two missiles, but it's absolutely impermissible to do so based on 3,000 dead civilians.

It was two missiles, by the way. It really doesn't take much Googling to come up with facts, you muckraking moron, but, as we shall see, facts have an annoying tendency to get in the way when you're a Fisk Cruising for a Fisking™, which must be the explanation for Bobby's strange aversion to search engines and the 'net.

Those were the days. But sitting in the United Nations General Assembly last week, watching President Bush Jr tell us with all his Texan passion about the beatings and the whippings and the rapes in Iraq, you would have thought they'd just been discovered.

You certainly would have, you cerebrally challenged cretin, if you'd considered the UN's complete and utter inaction during the decade of Saddam's mooning their resolutions, but somebody apparently had to bring the issue up for the assembled unelected bureaucraps to remember.

For sheer brazen historical hypocrisy, it would have been difficult to beat that part of the President's speech. Saddam, it appears, turned into a bad guy when he invaded Kuwait in 1990.

He certainly did, at least as far as the UN is concerned, starting with SC Resolution 660.

Most of us would expect the statements in a speech of somebody to the UN would contain elements relevant to the UN, but apparently you're shocked, shocked! to find out.

'Tarded Tumblef*ck.

But the real lie in the President's speech – that which has dominated American political discourse since the crimes against humanity on 11 September last year – was the virtual absence of any attempt to explain the real reasons why the United States has found itself under attack.

Again I'm baffled.

I was always under impression that, in order to speak a lie, you would actually have to speak, but again I find myself in utter retreat in the face of Bobby's superior use of the English language.

And those "real" reasons? Surely you're just dying to tell us, right? Of course you are...

In his mendacious article in this newspaper last week, President Bush's Defense Secretary, Donald Rumsfeld, also attempted to mask this reality. The 11 September assault, he announced, was an attack on people "who believe in freedom, who practise tolerance and who defend the inalienable rights of man".

Hmmm...

We believe in freedom, we practise tolerance, we find ourselves defending the inalienable rights of man time and time again and we were, indeed, attacked.

I may not be quite as enlightened as the almighty "Beat Me, I'm A Vile Oppressor" Fisk, but I can't quite see where the "mendacity" in that quote of Rummy is to be found.

He made, as usual, absolutely no reference to the Middle East, to America's woeful, biased policies in that region,

"Did he just say 'woeful'?"
"Yes he did, try not to snicker, it's not nice"

to its ruthless support for Arab dictators who do its bidding – for Saddam Hussein, for example, at a time when the head of Iraqi nuclear research was undergoing his Calvary

"Calvary? Did they nail him to the cross?"
"I have no idea, but Bobby might get back to it later. Or not."

– nor to America's military presence in the holiest of Muslim lands,

That the Soddies themselves invited us into, because they were rightfully afraid that Saddam would strangle them in their own kaffiyehs if they didn't.

nor to its unconditional support for Israel's occupation of Palestinian land in the West Bank and Gaza.

"Unconditional"?

I'm sure there are a lot of people, myself included, that would wish that our support for one of our staunchest allies would even approach the level of "unconditional" but, lamentably, in the real world that the rest of us live in, Fisky, our support is anything but.

And what are those "occupied Palestinian lands" of which you speak? Jordan? Of course not, that would mean that you'd have to do an ideological 180 and actually develop brains, something that it'll take huge advances in medical science to accomplish. You're speaking of the territories that were lost, fair and square, as a result of the numerous wars of aggression ineptly started by Israel's Muslim neighbors, right?

Well get over it, they're no more "Palestinian" than Minnesota is. However, you might want to consider, for a second (that's about as long as I believe I can reasonably demand that you keep your attention on actual facts), that those territories are the very same territories that Israel's "unconditional" ally, the US, has repeatedly urged Israel to cede to your Pali friends so they could have a state of their own.

Oddly, a very faint ghost of this reality did creep into the start of the President's UN address last week. It was contained in two sentences whose importance was totally ignored by the American press – and whose true meaning might have been lost on Mr Bush himself, given that he did not write his speech

...and of course never even bothered to read it. You're so... "clever", Bobby.

– but it was revealing nonetheless. "Our common security," he said, "is challenged by regional conflicts – ethnic and religious strife that is ancient but not inevitable. In the Middle East, there can be no peace for either side without freedom for both sides." Then he repeated his old line about the need for "an independent and democratic Palestine".

Some "unconditional" support right there. But of course, it was only an "old line".

This was perhaps as close as we've got, so far, to an official admission that this whole terrible crisis is about the Middle East.

I'd say that the President's clear ultimatum to Saddam coupled with massive US deployments to the Middle East is a pretty clear "official admission", but obviously you don't.

If this is a simple war for civilisation against "evil" – the line that Mr Bush was so cruelly peddling again to the survivors of 11 September and the victims' relatives last week

Yes, I'm sure that those left behind were horrified to hear Bush describe the murderous swine that killed their relatives and friends as "evil", how insufferably cruel of him.

then what are these "regional challenges"? Why did Palestine insinuate its way into the text of President Bush's UN speech? Needless to say, this strange, uncomfortable little truth was of no interest to the New York and Washington media, whose wilful refusal to investigate the real political causes of this whole catastrophe has led to a news coverage that is as bizarre as it is schizophrenic.

Still holding out on the "real reasons", are we? Why don't you just go ahead? It's not like it's going to come as a major surprise to anybody anyways when you do.

Before dawn on 11 September last week, I watched six American television channels and saw the twin towers fall to the ground 18 times.

Bet you taped the whole thing too.

The few references to the suicide killers who committed the crime made not a single mention of the fact that they were Arabs.

That would've been "insensitive and racist" wouldn't it? And it's not like we don't know already from whence they came.

All references to Palestine or illegal Jewish settlements or Israeli occupation of Arab land were simply erased from the public conscience last week.

Maybe because they have precious little to do with the war we're fighting here, at least to us?

Maybe because the Israeli presence is neither "illegal", nor an "occupation"?

When Hannan Ashrawi, that most humane of Palestinian women, tried to speak at Colorado university on 11 September, Jewish groups organised a massive demonstration against her.

Massive indeed... Literally hundreds of protesters and a riot did not break out.

It was quite another story when Benjamin Netanyahu tried to speak at Concordia University in Montreal. Here, Nazis and Palis went amok hand in hand, trying to (and, sadly, managing to) oppress free speech.

US television simply did not acknowledge the Palestinian tragedy. It is a tribute to our own reporting that at least John Pilger's trenchant programme – Palestine is Still the Issue – is being shown on ITV tomorrow night, although at the disgracefully late time of 11.05pm.

Could it be that nobody wants to hear you and Pilger rant and rave anymore? That you have become... How shall I put it?... Irrelevant?

But maybe all this no longer matters. When Mr Rumsfeld can claim so outrageously – as he did when asked for proof of Iraq's nuclear potential – that the "absence of evidence doesn't mean the evidence of absence",

Erm... It isn't... It's just a logical statement, not really very "outrageous".

And we neither can nor will sit down and wait for Saddam to provide us with solid evidence in the shape of a mushroom cloud over Tel Aviv, Washington or New York.

we might as well end all moral debate.

I'd settle for you shutting up, but then I'd have to find somebody else to Fisk, I suppose.

When Mr Rumsfeld refers to the "so-called occupied West Bank", he reveals himself to be a very disreputable man.

... Not to mention "mendacious" and "outrageous". Coming from a bona fide Idiotarian Grand Master such as yourself, those words are high praise indeed.

When he advances the policy of a pre-emptive "act" of war – as he did in The Independent on Sunday last week – he forgets Israel's "pre-emptive" 1982 invasion of Lebanon which cost 17,500 Arab lives and 22 years of occupation, and ended in retreat and military defeat for Israel.

OK, time for you to put down the bong, Bobby, 'cause you're making even less sense than usual.

"22 years of occupation"?

That would mean that the Israeli-Lebanese war ended in... Hmmm... 8+2, carry the one... 2004!

I Have Seen the Future, And It Is Fisk™!!!

While you're Back to the Future™, Bobby, could you please send me the numbers for today's Texas Lottery? I would really, really appreciate it! So much so, in fact, that I promise not to Fisk™ you for one full month if you do!

The rest of us, being tied to the present, of course know that the war, which was started as a reaction to increasing PLO activity across the Lebanese border combined with no attempt by Lebanon to stop it, ended in 1985 when Israel, after having thoroughly Roto-Rooted the Lebanese sinkhole, pulled back and left Lebanon to its own devices. Hardly a "defeat", if you ask me.

Strange things are going on in the Middle East right now. Arab military intelligence reports the shifting of massive US arms shipments around the region – not just to Qatar and Kuwait, but to the Arabian Sea, the Red Sea and the eastern Mediterranean.

"What can it mean?"

I'd love to explain it to you, Bobby, but I don't have all week.

American and Israeli military planners and intelligence analysts are said to have met twice in Tel Aviv to discuss the potential outcome of the next Middle East war.

Good Grief! Allies consulting on the eve of war! Get my pills!

The destruction of Saddam and the break-up of Saudi Arabia – a likely scenario if Iraq crumbles – have long been two Israeli dreams.

...and that is of course the sole reason why it is going to happen.

One might ask oneself, then, why it is that Israel's "unconditional" supporter, the US, hasn't helped making this Israeli dream come true a long time ago, but that would require several whacks over Bobby's head with a Clue-by-Four.

As the United States discovered during its fruitful period of neutrality between 1939 and 1941, war primes the pumps of the economy. Is that what is going on today – the preparation of a war to refloat the US economy?

Shit! He's on to us! Quick, get the shredder going!

It's only a matter of time before he finds out that those planes were remote controlled by members of the ZOG, who were concerned about the value of their stocks.

My Israeli colleague Amira Haas once defined to me our job as journalists: "to monitor the centres of power". Never has it been so important for us to do just that.

Wallowing in delusions of importance, a Hallmark of Fisk-ness™

For if we fail, we will become the mouthpiece of power.

As it is, you're the Mouthpieces of Irredeemable Idiocy.

So a few thoughts for the coming weeks: remember the days when Saddam was America's friend; remember that Arabs committed the crimes against humanity of 11 September last year and that they came from a place called the Middle East,

Oh we remember alright.

The problem for you is that we don't quite remember it the way you'd want us to do.

Well, tough shit, Fisky, ain't gonna change.

a place of injustice and occupation and torture;

It almost sounds as if he's changed sides again and is advocating war on these backwards, oppressive, medieval Islamofascist rat-infested dungheaps.

remember "Palestine";

...or maybe not...

Where is "Palestine", by the way?

remember that, a year ago, no one spoke of Iraq, only of al-Qa'ida and Osama bin Laden.

Is that so? I really hate to have to do this to you (no I don't), Bobby, but methinks you weren't quite listening when these words were spoken. Let me give you a snippet to save you from using the 'net that you abhor:

"From this day forward, any nation that continues to harbor or support terrorism will be regarded by the United States as a hostile regime."

Nope, Bobby, no al-Qaeda there, nor the merest hint of has-been Laden, but a very clear warning to the rest of the shitholes in the Middle East that we're coming for them unless they change their terrorist ways.

But back to the Fisk™ for his closing comments:

And, I suppose, remember that "evil" is a good crowd-puller but a mighty hard enemy to shoot down with a missile.

...but very easy to erase with a Daisy Cutter.

How's the weather in 2004, by the way? Any signs of global warming yet or is it all about the "Brutal Iraqi Winter" in your time?
posted by Misha at 9/14/2002 03:37:00 PM

 

Now This Is Vicious!

Whereas I still believe that Colin's playing nice is part of a grander scheme that has, this far, worked wonderfully, I would be amiss if I didn't link to this work of art by Norm Liebmann in which he slices, dices and atomizes the Secretary of "Let's Sleep On It" State.

I don't think that Colin deserves all of this, but the rant is a work of art that deserves to be judged on its own merit.

(link thanks to Kathy Kinsley).
posted by Misha at 9/14/2002 12:17:00 PM

 

Aaaaaaaaaaarghhhh!!!

They're coming to get me!

If you'll excuse me while I retreat to the dog house and start reading up on "Defensive Measures 101". Christopher Johnson is out to get me and I don't like it one bit.

A claymore a day keeps the vet away?

Now stay away from me with that syringe, Chris, I don't care what you say it's for...

While you're over there, please take the time to enjoy the virtuosity with which Chris rips right wing Idiotarian Pat PukeAnnan a fresh one. It's a thing of beauty, I tell you.
posted by Misha at 9/14/2002 12:40:00 AM

 

And That's Putting It Mildly

Bill Quick says what needs to be said and, as usual, manages to do it in sharp, short bursts of highly appropriate vitriol, unlike yours truly, who has a tendency to go on for hours:

Janet Reno asked for a statewide recount Friday of every vote in Florida's botched gubernatorial primary, but the state elections board promptly turned her down. Reno's attorney said a court challenge was unlikely.

So retire now, Janet, and spend the rest of your days thinking about those kids screaming as they burned to death at Waco.

As a Texan, I can only say "right on!".
posted by Misha at 9/13/2002 11:53:00 PM

 

SQUEAK!

There's nothing quite as refreshing as the last squeal from an appeasement-loving Tranzi rat when it gets run over by the big 18-wheeler of history.

Meet Polly Toynbee, Tranzi has-been. In a generation or so, we'll have to explain to our grandchildren what those were. And they won't believe a word of what we're saying.

"Surely nobody could be that dumb, grandpa?":

There he stood, this unlikely emperor of the world, telling the UN's 190 nations how it is going to be.

Well at least somebody noticed, instead of curling up with their safety blanket and their thumb in their mouth, pretending that he'd said what they wanted to hear. I'll have to give you a point there, Polly.

The assembled nations may not be quite the toothless Roman senate of imperial times, but at the UN the hyperpower and its commander-in-chief are in control as never before: how could it be otherwise when the US army is the UN's only enforcer?

Quite.

And how did it get to that point, Polly? It got to that point because Idiotarians like yourself and your welfare addicted ilk thought up a "brilliant" scheme under which you could spend all the money for buying votes that you didn't have to spend defending yourself while we were guarding your worthless backs.

Worked marvellously, didn't it? At least until the enemy disappeared and we suddenly had better things to do with our army. Suddenly, there you were, naked as jaybirds, realizing that you'd made yourselves irrelevant.

This is, President Bush said, "a difficult and defining moment" for the UN, a challenge that will show whether it has become "irrelevant". He pointed his silver-tongued gun with some delicacy and a certain noblesse oblige, but there was no doubt he was holding it to the UN's head: pass a resolution or be bypassed.

She's still got a clue, at least as far as getting the message is concerned... But she's about to lose it, as per usual.

It was a fine and gracious speech that might have been borrowed from better presidents in better times. He spoke of a just and lasting peace for Palestine. He promised a surprise return by the US to Unesco. He spoke of the tragedy of world poverty, disease and suffering, of offering US aid, trade and healthcare. Earnest and uplifting, it was very like the speech he made soon after the twin towers attack last year.

Odd... I don't seem to recall the main theme of that speech as being anything like what you're dreaming up here. The way I remember it, it was a clear and unequivocal message to the world: Terrorism will not stand and whether you're with us or not, we'll put an end to it. And if you're not with us... Well, you do the math...

But how long ago that suddenly seemed.

...obviously long enough for your amnesia to kick in...

Back then the world tried hard to believe him, full of sympathy and hope that this earth-quake had indeed turned him internationalist.

Oh gimme a break, you stupid twat! You think that the natural reaction to having Fundamentalist Murderers killing off 3,000 of your civilians is to turn "internationalist"? And it wasn't an "earthquake". It was premeditated murder of 3,000 innocents, also known as an "act of war". Did you and your lobotomized fellow Idiotarians really for a second believe that that would turn us into a giant mass of Kumbaya-singing funders of dictatorships all over the world? If you did, you're every bit as stupid as bin Laden, if not quite as dangerous. Dingbat.

But this time belief was stretched beyond breaking. The skills of the best speech writer could not blot out the gulf between last year's rhetoric and the reality that followed.

The reality that has followed ever since our President made this speech, has been in full accordance with the words in it. It's just that you lefty morons didn't quite get what he said until now. Well, too bad for you.

Maybe it was the cut-away to Hamid Karzai in his green striped coat of many colours sitting in the chamber. It came as a sharp reminder of America's failure to invest in serious nation-building in Afghanistan,

Which we were under obligation to do under which chapter of the non-existant "international law" that your kind is so fond of quoting? Nevertheless, I'm pretty sure that the majority of the Afghans would rather have Karzai than the One-Eyed Cleric of Hell.

failure to send in enough troops to stop the old warlords seizing power again,

The warlords have seized power again? Must have happened while I was driving home from work.

the paucity of aid and the brazen carelessness once war was won.

...apart from the Special Forces that saved Karzai's hide a week ago. Or humanitarian aid, help with reconstruction, medical assistance as well as the fact that our troops are protecting the Afghans at a time when we have much better uses for them. But of course, it is "never enough", according to EUnuchs such as Ms. Toynbee.

Well... Tough shit, lady. We've got a war to fight, so maybe you weenies could help us out with the "nation building"? It's not like you have any military might you can assist us with...

So Bush's conjured images of a postwar Iraq, peaceful and democratic, sounded like empty phantasms. War in Afghanistan to oust the Taliban was necessary - but so was investing in long-lasting security and prosperity if he wanted to prove how democracy wins over fundamentalist fury.

Again: We did not go into this war with the sole and primary intention of "building nations". To be sure, it wouldn't hurt one bit, but our top priority right now is to kill terrorists and their supporters, and to kill them as quickly and efficiently as possible.

Nobody's keeping you guys from helping out, as I said. It should be right up your alley, after all. In the meantime, stop whining. It's pitiful.

From Kyoto and Johannesburg, to the ICC, steel tariffs, NMD and nuclear testing, too much has happened (or not happened) since last year's speech to take this one at face value.

I'll give you half a point for your objection to the idiotic steel tariff, but that's it. The rest falls under "national sovereignty" and we actually elect our Presidents to protect that, whether you clueless clapweasels like it or not.

Even so, good words are still preferable to bad ones. It was, after all, remarkable that the president was there in that chamber at all. A month ago the strident voices coming out of the White House would have none of it. The Rumsfeld/Cheney axis of war was in the ascendant, the UN was for wimps.

and still is, unless the UN finally decides to wake from its long sleep and live up to its own resolutions, which I highly doubt.

It's amazing, really. In the first paragraph you seem to grasp, correctly, that the UN speech was an ultimatum, not a request and yet here, half a page later, you're back to your utopian daydreaming about the US asking for permission to defend itself.

The hawks would never have let their emperor stand there soliciting UN support in dulcet tones. It would be nice to believe that Tony Blair played some part in strengthening the arm of the Colin Powell internationalists who won the argument on the need for UN legitimacy.

You're still falling for the "Colin Powell Rope-a-Dope"? Don't feel too bad about it, it had me going for a while as well.

Sadly, he features hardly at all in US commentators' accounts of the internal Republican rows that finally brought Bush to the UN.

The ones that did feature in that "row" that had you all clapping in your little hands were all inconsequential to our foreign policy, which should've amounted to a massive whack with the cluestick. Fortunately people such as you are too incomprehensibly dim to get "subtle" little points like that, so you swallowed it hook, line and sinker. Brilliant.

For a very little influence, Blair has paid a frighteningly high price: the split with the rest of Europe, weakening his own influence by becoming Bush's tool, never again an independent honest broker.

I have a strong feeling that, before this war is over, the rest of EUrope is going to find itself wishing very dearly that they'd become "Bush's tool" and had the foresight not to become part of the problem rather than the solution.

We Americans aren't going to forget Tony's support and he and the British will benefit mightily from it in the future, as they should.

As for the rest of the Grand EUrinal, well you can go take a long walk off a short pier, we don't need you.

At home there is angry puzzlement among many more in his own party than the usual suspects. Was it worth so much damage? Only if in the end this war is successfully averted.

Well... In that case, it wasn't worth it... But in the long run, it will be.

Even now, the drafters are working at a UN resolution to square (or fudge) the needs of the US war party with French and Russian hesitation. Deals are brokered, poor countries' arms are twisted with aid and trade while Russia may be allowed to kill a few more Chechens. But a deal there must be. The only ones who hope the UN fumbles...

...as they will...

are the Rumsfeld/Cheney warriors who want no straitjacket, no option for Saddam to avoid the war now sharpening its knives on his borders.

Oh but he does have an option: He can follow every condition laid down by President Bush yesterday to the letter, all of which is backed by the UNs own resolutions. Nothing more, nothing less.

Moving command headquarters from Florida to Qatar could hardly send a louder message: America wants war, America means war.

The only hope of avoiding it is that Saddam takes fright at a security council resolution with a firm time limit for the weapons inspectors to return - any time, any place or else, no run-around or obstruction.

And it won't happen. The time limit would have to be within days and he'd have to allow full and unfettered access as well as all of the other terms. Saddam is a dead man walking.

The message that the US means war has been conveyed to him forcefully by everyone who has his ear, including former weapons inspector Scott Ritter.

Oh, the Traitor-in-Chief? No doubt he's realized that his future looks rather dim...

The US sabre is out of its scabbard: just let him look Cheney and Rumsfeld in the eye. The world will hold its breath and hope he blinks or, better still, that he is overthrown by others who see what's coming.

For those who supported the wars in Afghanistan, Kosovo and Sierra Leone, the enslaved peoples of Iraq are no less just a cause. Once legitimised by the UN and international law, there is no moral difference in the need to liberate Iraqis and relieve the potential threat Saddam poses to his neighbours. None would mourn his passing from power. The difference is pragmatic, not moral. There were very good reasons why Bush senior did not march on Baghdad in 1991, reasons that remain unchanged.

...and none of which you've gotten the foggiest of ideas about, judging by what follows...

Saddam's elite troops around Baghdad would inflict very heavy casualties.

I'm not convinced. Especially not considering how his "Elites" were running like scared rabbits and surrendering to TV crews back in '91. Not to mention that I highly doubt that the "Elites" are going to sacrifice themselves to a lost cause.

In his death throes, he would certainly use anthrax and nerve gases.

He didn't the last time. And even if he did, what makes you think that he wouldn't anyway, should he so desire? It's not like he has an impressive track record when it comes to rational decisions.

No matter what, we cannot let ourselves be blackmailed by a mad dictator.

Iraq might fall apart

Oh the horror...

with Shi'ite lands defecting to Iran, strengthening another vile regime

...which will, in due time, either reform itself or follow Saddam into his grave...

destabilising others.

Here we go again: The mythical stability of the Middle East that we must not, cannot disturb for anything in the world.

For one thing, the Middle East is about as stable as plutonium. For another, we want to destabilize these regimes. They're so much easier to topple that way, you dimwit.

If Afghanistan cannot hold US attention for one short year, how would far more complex Iraq be nurtured long term? Fermenting terror, recruiting generations of terrorists to come, the cure looks worse than the disease.

You're an idiot. A drooling, babbling idiot with not the first clue as to what you're talking about. Where's all this terror that has been "fermenting" in Afghanistan since we sent the Taliban packing? I sure as Hell haven't noticed it. And if the Iraqis, after having had their asses handed to them twice in a decade, once again are skullcrushingly stupid enough to play terror games again, then we'll go right back in and punish them s'more. Only this time, they won't have any weapons to defend themselves with.

Curiously, the louder Bush and Blair call for an end to this villain, the less convincing it sounds. Why now? That remains the perplexing question.

Yeah, let's go back to sleep. All of this racket is frightening the Bunnies.

Containment works well:

Would somebody tell me which reality this bumbling b*tch lives in? 'Coz she sure ain't living in this one.

few observers think Saddam can launch anything under present no-fly, daily bombing pressure.

Apart from the blatant absurdity of that statement, why is it that you believe that we're the slightest bit interested in spending the rest of forever delivering pin-pricks to Soddy while he works on perfecting his suitcase nuke? Are you really that much of an Idiotarian, or do you just play one very convincingly on TV?

What is Bush's obsession? It remains a mystery.

"...to uphold and defend...etc." There you go. That wasn't so hard, was it? Just wait 'till the rest of the loons at your Saturday cocktail party find out that you know, they're going to be so impressed with you...

It is not a vote-winner in the US where the danger looks not clear and present, but cloudy and distant.

Checked that with the local Olive Garden™, didya? Well, I'm gonna have a talk with them then, because that's certainly news to me. You'd think that if it wasn't, then the Dems would be all gung-ho to get the question on the table before the elections, wouldn't ya? You Driveling Drift of Donkeys' Droppings.

The risks are frightening and the costs staggering. Petrol prices rise while stock exchanges fall at the prospect. Oil say some, but if US companies want Saddam's oil, an oil-driven cynical administration could make peace not war and help themselves to fat contracts.

Exactly.

Thank you for having volunteered one of the most elegant arguments against the "it's all about oil"-meme. You may go far yet, once you get your feet out of your mouth.

No, it appears to spring from a new ideology, a neo-conservative dream which Charles Krauthammer, guru of the right, calls the US's "uniquely benign imperium". Hyperpower is not enough unless it is exerted so forcefully that no state ever again challenges benign US authority.

I'll put it in another way, a much easier way for you intellectually impaired Idiots to comprehend:

We honestly don't give a goat's turd about what the f*ck you morons do or don't do in your own "shitty little countries", as long as you don't mess with us and as long as you don't mess with our friends.

If you follow this simple rule, we'll all get along just fine.

If you don't, I see mushroom clouds in your futures.

Get it?

Good.

One thing was made crystal clear yesterday - there is no other source of authority but America, and that means there is no other law but US law.

Not in this country there isn't. And when it comes to defending our own interests, you're damn straight Skippy that there ain't no law but our law. Learn to deal with it.

What the US wants, the UN had better solemnise with a suitable resolution - very like the Roman senate and one of its lesser god-emperors. But this is not the real America. A small cultish sect is battling for the "imperium" within this bizarre administration, resisted by mainstream Republicans

Where is this "Republican Revolt"? I've been looking and looking and I can't see a single sign of it.

Oh, there it is... It's all in Ms Toynbee's pointed little head.

R.I.P., EUroweenies... You're as gone as the dinosaurs, you just haven't quite figured it out yet.

But you will... Oh yes, you will...
posted by Misha at 9/13/2002 06:55:00 PM

 

Emily's Back and Idiotarians Everywhere Had Better Take Cover... Now...

After having washed moron "Gigi" thoroughly out of her system, Emily's back, vicious and lovely as ever, rolling up the latest drivel from "The Independent (...of rationality)" and shoving it so far down the EUroweenies' throats that they'll have the headlines stamped on their turds for weeks...

Good job, girl, and welcome back on the frontlines...
posted by Misha at 9/13/2002 02:01:00 PM

 

Send In the Droids

Scientists, frustrated with trying to find out what's behind a mysterious hatch in the Great Pyramid of Giza, are going to send in a robot to check it out for them.

I've got one piece of advice, guys: Do not nickname the lil' bot "Geraldo", OK? Just saying, 's all...

(Link courtesy of The Lair Man)
posted by Misha at 9/13/2002 01:47:00 PM

 

Linking, Linking, Linking...

In what must be one of my most serious errors of omission, I forgot to link to "Scrappleface", one of the funniest and most viciously satirical blogs I've ever had the enjoyment of reading through.

My thanks for the headzup and the error has been corrected. If you're not already a regular reader of Scrappleface's, you might just want to surf your way over there and check out the digs. You won't regret it.

And while on the subject of Linkagery, to steal another term:
If you're the author of, or a regular reader of, a blog that you think ought to be on my blogroll but isn't, please don't think that it's because I don't want it there. It's more than likely because I haven't yet gotten around to checking it out.

The blogosphere is growing at such a mad pace and there is so much talent out there that if I was to try and cover every single one worthy of mention, you wouldn't see much content on this page at all.

So, don't be shy, send me a hint. I solemnly promise that I'll check each and everyone out and you have my thanks as well.

Thatisall...
posted by Misha at 9/13/2002 12:44:00 PM

 

More Goodness From Down Under:

Bargarz, destined for greatness in the blogosphere, delivers a thorough and well-researched deconstruction of a particularly vile America-Hater, Alison Broinowski.

It's a little long and a lot good.
posted by Misha at 9/13/2002 11:57:00 AM

 

The Love Of a Son

More news from the clogged sink of humanity, the Paleostinian "Authority", thanks to Charles at LGF:

Tulkarm man kills mother over 'Jewish lover'
By KHALED ABU TOAMEH

Miriam Sufan, 46, was stabbed to death by her son in downtown Tulkarm on Wednesday evening, because he suspected she was having an affair with a Jewish man, according to reports.

The son, Adnan, told passersby that his mother was a traitor because she was having an affair with a Jew.

"He was walking with his mother hand-in-hand, when he suddenly drew a big knife and started stabbing her in the chest and face," according to shopkeeper who saw the killing.

...most likely through the view finder of his video camera... These snuff videos sell for top dollar at his his friends' site, after all.

"It was a big shock for many people who happened to be in the market buying food before the Israeli army reimposes the curfew on the city."

It's really hard for me to believe that anyone 'round those parts got shocked, considering that this is the kind of thing that happens just about every other day in that cesspool.

But surely, once the shock had subsided, it spurred the Palis into action, right?.... Right???

Another shopkeeper who also witnessed the killing said that at first he thought the woman was a collaborator. "You know, we have become used to hearing about women who work with the Israeli Shin Bet," he said.

Yup, just about every Paleostinian woman is involved with the Shin Bet. The main reason that they're almost all women is because the men might fight back when the Pali snuffers come around to murder them.

"That's why when the young man started stabbing the woman, no one wanted to help here. We thought the killer was a member of the Aksa Martyrs Brigades."

Guilty until proven innocent... I'm... so... touched... But, in all fairness, this is exactly the kind of thing that the Al Aqsa Batshit Brigades would be involved in. Not that that's an excuse for standing passively by while a woman is being murdered but hey, this is Paleostine and it's only a woman, after all...

The killing took place as dozens stood by, even as the victim, a mother of five, called for help, a Tulkarm resident said. She said that only after the son fled the scene did a medical team approach the bleeding woman.

I'm sure that there are words that would adequately describe such craven cowardice, but I just don't happen to know any of 'em.

[SPIT!]

The son was later arrested by the Tulkarm police, which described the murder as a "killing with a background of honor."

Which, in the lingo of "Peaceful Islam", means that he'll be free to go before the body of his mother has even had time to cool...

A source close to the family said the woman was divorced and had moved to Israel several years ago. The source would neither confirm nor deny that the victim had married a Jew. "She was on a visit to her family in Tulkarm," the source said. "She didn't have a clue her son was planning to murder her. On Wednesday, people saw them walking happily, hand-in-hand in the central bus station. It's not clear what led the son to commit this crime."

How 'bout years of blatant, uninterrupted, bloodthirsty fundamentalism and anti-Semitism, coupled with a sick, twisted mind?

Sufan was the third woman killed in Tulkarm in the past month. Ikhlas Khouli, a 36-year-old mother of seven, was executed by Fatah gunmen after she allegedly confessed to working with Israeli security forces. Her 19-year-old niece, Raja Abu Omar, was executed a week later after similar allegations.

Two other suspected collaborators were gunned down in the Tulkarm area over the past 48 hours. Fatah claimed responsibility for the killings, saying it would continue its campaign against Palestinian who help Israel.

Can anybody give me one, just one good reason for Israel not to conduct an above-ground nuclear test in, say, Tulkarm?

I can't think of any...
posted by Misha at 9/13/2002 10:43:00 AM

 

Slapping a Falwell Wannabe Around...

Although I'm very much a Christian (whoops, there went half my readership ;-) ), I find Tex of Whacking Day's Full Frontal Fisking of Townhall weirdo Ben Shapiro very, very appropriate.

It's morons like Ben Shapiro that, along with Jerry Falwell, do their damndest to reinforce the myth that we Christians are all wild-eyes, fundamentalist weirdos with their inane blather.

Consider a few quotes from Shapiro's piece:

America has divided into two factions: those who fight evil and those who do not believe in evil. The dividing line is religion.

Those who believe in a Judeo-Christian God know the difference between good and evil because they know the value of human life.

(...and everybody else, presumably, don't know...) This is pure, unadulterated horse hocky and it's straight from the mouth of a self-righteous moron.

I'm Christian, therefore I have been taught to distinguish good from evil or, at the very least, to know that there is such a thing as evil. This is true. But that does not mean that, "logically", everybody who isn't a Christian does not have the ability to make that distinction, you insufferable twit!

I know and have come to know a lot of atheists who are perfectly capable of making that distinction and you'll find quite a few of 'em on my blogroll. I don't know who hammered that stupid notion into your pimpled head, Ben, but you don't have to be a Christian to know, instinctively, that stoning women, chopping peoples' limbs off and gassing Kurds is evil. If you doubt this, please take a tour of my links.

The fact that you're trying to monopolize morality like that, quite frankly, makes me want to puke.

And if you think that that was bad, please take a look at the following:

Jerry Falwell said after Sept. 11 that abortionists, feminists, the gays and lesbians who promote homosexuality as a natural lifestyle, the American Civil Liberties Union and all those who try to secularize America (in short, the PC crowd) bear some responsibility for Sept. 11.

While his statement may have been unpopular, it was true, at least in the larger sense.

OK, that's it, right there! Please do me a favor and shut up until you grow some hair on your upper lip, Ben, because right now you've proven that you're not fit to be in the company of grown people.

I thought that that subject had already been covered sufficiently after Jerry opened his mouth, put both feet in it and buried his head up his ass, but apparently I was wrong.

You may think that you're awfully "brave" to present that particular view, Ben, but the only thing you've proven to anybody with two braincells to rub together (a quality that you obviously lack) is that you're a complete and utter buffoon.

I'm quite comfortable with being a Christian (just as I'm quite comfortable with anyone who's not, as long as they don't try'n shove their beliefs or non-beliefs down my throat, just as I'm sure they'd much appreciate it if I'd show them the same courtesy. It's a matter between them and God, which means it's none of my damn business), at least most of the time.

But every once in a while a clueless cockroach like Lil' Ben here comes crawling out from under his or her rock and starts spewing fundamentalist nonsense like the above and I immediately start wondering if I should become an atheist instead.

No, I don't, really. But I do so dearly wish that "Christians" like Ben would shut the Heck up, because it's narrow-minded, holier-than-thou bigots like him that give the rest of us a bad name.

Now piss off, little boy, and come back when you've learned something about the real world, the one the rest of us live in.

Flippin' F*ckwad!
posted by Misha at 9/13/2002 09:13:00 AM

 

Fun With Google:

And now to a recurring space filler of mine, Weird Search Queries:

Egyptian burqa pics : There's been a disturbing increase in demand for these pictures as of late and the only explanation I can find is that somebody's realized that, within a few years, the supply of them is going to dry up, if you know what I mean, and therefore some nefarious Burqa Pic Pusher is trying to corner the market, so he (or she) can demand outrageous prizes from Righteous Woman-Beating Islamists who crave this soon-to-be-rather-rare commodity.

I have to disappoint you, though. My supply ran out a few weeks ago.

"To be a true blue" dictionary : This one had me baffled for a while, until it hit me like a hammer: Check out a few Mississippi Delta book stores and you might find just what you've been looking for, a dictionary with any and all references to mirth and gaiety surgically removed.

Alternatively, you could check the upcoming annual al-Qaeda report for the fiscal year of 2002. That one is bound to get you in a "blue" mood, especially if you tend to wear a turban and scream "Jiiiiiiihad!" at the top of your lungs for every two sentences or so.

Privatizing water in islam : You've come to the source, my man! Being a member of the VRWC and an Evil Capitalist Lackey to boot, I just closed a deal on all the water supplies in the Middle East with the help of a fine Nigerian broker that contacted me by email a few weeks ago.

So pony up, or you won't have nothing but goat milk to drink for the forseeable future, MWHAHAHAHHAH!

esophageal spasm joke : Sorry, I don't have any. But if you have any luck in your tireless search for this classic of comedy, please share. Unless it has the words "nun" and "sailor" in it, in which case I'd rather not hear about it.
posted by Misha at 9/13/2002 07:47:00 AM

 

Reader Contribution:

Although I'm still peeved that I'm not receiving any hatemail, I do find great comfort in the fact that it gives me so much more time to enjoy the massively talented hints, suggestions and contributions that you, my readers, send in.

One such example was sent in by alert reader Noel, and it was just so damn beautiful that I couldn't let it languish in my inbox, so I asked him for his permission to post it here and he graciously allowed me to.

So, without further ado, here's a contribution by talented "Rott"-reader Noel:

CAPT. JONES v. STATE RELIGION or "Who would have Guessed being a Dem. & a Japanese-Am. would Guarantee me a Rep. Cabinet Post?"

(In the skies somewhere over America:)

"This is Capt. Jones. Come in Ground Control."

"This is Ground Control. Go Ahead."

"We've got an unruly passenger. Could be trouble"

"This is Cheif Controller Mineta, Captain. What is your situation?"

"There is a passenger creating a disturbance, and threatening to take us to Washington. Over."

" Are there any passengers aboard who could assist?"

"Affirmative, Ground Control. We have a wounded veteran from Afghanistan, a Medal of Honor winner, a nursing mother,..."

"Negative! Negative , Captain. They could be accomplices! Do you have a gun, Captain?"

(long silence)

"Uhhh...you wouldn't let me, remember?"

(long silence)

"Copy that, Capt. Can you describe the suspect?"

"Yes, Control. He is a young Arab male.He's waving a book on Islam & screaming."

"Calm down, Capt. We can't use a suspect description like that."

"Say what, Control?"

"Capt.; Is there any chance he could be a Klansman or a Basque Separatist? That would be better."

"Control; Do not understand. repeat: Do not understand."

"FAA has strict Affirmative Action Goals for hi-jackers.We've used up all slots for young Muslim males. Does he appear to be a Fiji Islander? Over."

"Negative, Ground Control."

"Can you ask him if he's a Bi-sexual Druid?"

"Uhh...don't speak the lingo, Control. But there is a Norweigian grandmother in coach who is reading 'How to Parse Farsi so Your Fed. Airport Screener can Understand You.' She's also wearing a kaffiyeh. Over"

"Captain; Do you think she's one of the hi-jackers? We've been itching to get our hands on one like that!"

"Negative, Ground Control. She wore the kaffiyeh to speed her way through security. Last time, they surgically removed her suspicious hip-replacement at Baggage Claim."

"Copy that , Capt. We'll get her for impersonating a Person of Peace."

"Good news, Ground Control! The purser just told me the guy turned out to be a Secret Service agent!"

"Whew, That's good Capt. We might have had to shoot you down, and the missile could have ignited your bullets, I mean , IF you had a gun. Well, Happy Landings, Capt. Jones! Say, is that like Capt.John Paul Jones , as in 'I have not yet begun to Fight!'?"

"You sure haven't, Ground Control. OUT."

(by reader Noel)
posted by Misha at 9/13/2002 07:10:00 AM

 

More On the Glowing Ship...

Defense officials are now quoted as saying:

trace radiation could come from a number of sources, such as clay, pipes that have been used for a long time underground in oil excavation.

In other words: They DID find something and now they're scrambling for a "weather balloons lit up by ignited swamp gas reflected by Venus"-style cover-up.
posted by Misha at 9/12/2002 10:07:00 PM

 

Discovered A New One...

The blog known as "IMAO" is now a proud (well I hope it is) inhabitant of my blogroll.

Don't let me go on about how funny it is, just scoot yer damned asses over there right now and check it out.
posted by Misha at 9/12/2002 09:45:00 PM

 

Great Photo Coverage Of Yesterday In NY Can Be Found...

Right Here.

Tough on bandwidth (high picture content, obviously), but says so much more than many, many words.
posted by Misha at 9/12/2002 07:22:00 PM

 

Now Where Did I Put That Damn Violin?

Damn thing keeps falling between the cracks in the floor, it's so small!

Thanks to alert reader Scott (thanks, man!) I'm alerted to the fact that the British sleaze rag "The Mirror" apparently still hasn't tired of yammering about the horrific plight of our turbaned f(r)iends at Gitmo:

THIS is the first glimpse of Camp Delta, the new Camp X-Ray at Guantanamo Bay in Cuba.

Here 598 al-Qaeda and Taliban suspects from 38 countries - including seven Britons - are held without charge, without legal rights and for some, without hope.

The ones "without hope" would be the ones guilty of crimes that call for the death penalty, I suppose, in which case my sympathy-meter doesn't even register a slight quiver.

For 167 of the 168 hours in a week their world is a cramped 8ft x 6ft 8in cell.

...which is one Heck of lot more than their crazed brethren back in Ashcanistan have. Their accomodations are, if they're lucky, roughly 6ft x 2ft and surrounded with dirt. On all sides. Which is still too good for 'em.

Their day-to-day existence in a remote corner of the US Naval Base on the south-east of the island is pitiful.

They've always been pitiful. But now that they're no longer free, it means less danger to me and mine, which works excellently, as far as I'm concerned.

The strain of living in such conditions - condemned by human rights groups again last week

Must have missed that one. I was too busy waiting for them to condemn this or this or this, to name a few.

But obviously it's much more important (and free of danger) to howl and screech about the "horrible" conditions that we force "poor" crazed, frothing, murderous Islamofascists to live under. Well kiss my American ass, you assnuggets!

- has taken a severe toll. The Daily Mirror has learned that more than 30 of the men have attempted suicide.

...without strapping a bomb on themselves first? Now that's news!

It would seem that they failed, however, which is just too damn bad. Better luck next time Mahomet, I'll send you an instruction booklet if you like.

Occupying five dusty acres on a clifftop half a mile from the old Camp X-Ray, the new facility is no temporary jail.

Camp Delta is designed as a permanent prison - a grim monument of rigid metal, steel and razor wire to President Bush's determination to continue offending basic human rights.

Yep. That's what this here war's all about: Offending basic human rights. We're also denying them the right to vote, you know. And tomorrow we'll force them to eat pork chops, but not until we're done playing Barry Manilow songs to them for 8 hours... No, that would be too gruesome...

And I could name some 3,000 people who don't have any "basic human rights" anymore, thanks to these despicable swines' aid and comfort to a certain buttmunching goat molester, not to mentiont that these pigs weren't exactly big on "basic human rights" themselves when they were back terrorizing the Afghans. So don't expect me to cry too much over their "privations" now... Morons...

As the weeks and months crawl by, more and more unidentified prisoners arrive.

GOOD!

Last month 34 were flown in from Afghanistan. Their arrival left just 14 vacancies, but phase three of the prison will be finished by next month, allowing the camp to incarcerate 816.

So far £30million has been poured into the project - that's £36,764 a cell - and blueprints for the facility to be expanded to detain 2,000 prisoners have been approved.

Senior officers have also earmarked a site near the base airfield for a bricks and mortar prison. A fully-equipped permanent hospital with 116 beds is being built at high speed to replace the medical centre of scruffy, beige tents where 50 major surgeries have been performed since the detainees began to arrive in January.

The only kind of "major surgery" I would find appropriate for these worthless wastes of skin would be an immediate cordectomy without the benefits of anesthesia.

But what's all this about building a hospital for them? I thought we were supposed to be mean?

Guantanamo's business is banging up suspected Taliban and al-Qaeda. And business is clearly good for the Americans.

...and getting better every day, thank you very much. So good of you to notice.

But the mental health of the detainees is cause for concern.

I'd say anybody who shacks up with a loonie who decides to go declare war on the strongest nation on the planet has serious mental health issues already.

One of the 30 who attempted suicide tried to slash his wrists with a plastic razor

Maybe he was just trying to shave his armpits?

while three others tried to hang themselves.

It's amazing how inept these murderous bastards are when trying to wax themselves... Perhaps remedial lessons are in order?

US officials also confirmed to us that 37 other detainees are being treated for severe mental health problems.

..."they're just sitting there in a corner, screaming 'Jiiiiiiiiiiiiiiihaaaaddd' every five seconds or so..."

And 18 of those psychiatric cases are so severely traumatised that they are receiving daily treatment and powerful drugs to stave off a variety of symptoms.

...such as an irrepressable urge to go kill infidels, a tendency to jerk themselves off and stick toothpaste up their butts etc...

It's not quite clear what the last bit is supposed to accomplish, but their shit sure don't stink as it used to no more.

A new Amnesty International report says the detainees are in legal limbo and face a serious breach of their human rights.

Did I hear something? Nah, must be the wind...

They are routinely denied the right to see lawyers, although they could face trial by special US military courts with power to pass death sentences.

...of which none have been passed, yet. And since when were illegal combattants entitled to legal aid? Must be something our little Camel Humping friends have picked up since they got over here, for they sure as Hell weren't big on those issues before.

The Mirror quizzed guards, doctors, nurses and military officials during a heavily-escorted three-day visit.

Our every move was monitored.

That's generally the case in high security prisons, in case you didn't know.

And it was difficult to get any information, either on or off the record.

"...so we just made shit up."

What the Hell did you expect, you bumbling asswipes? A full disclosure? We're at WAR, morons!

But despite the tight restrictions the Mirror has pieced together the most accurate picture yet of life for the detainees. And it's not pretty.

Considering the source, I'm not the least bit surprised.

The cramped cells, cut from steel shipping containers and even smaller than X-Ray's notorious cages, are collected in 10 blocks.

Delta, surrounded by thick green netting to keep out prying eyes, is brightly lit by powerful arc lights 24 hours a day and the camp is ringed with seven wooden guard towers manned by sharpshooters.

Quick! Somebody hand me my pills! These murderous and suicidal fanatical Islamofascists are surrounded by armed guards??? Oh the HUMANITY!

There are regular incidents when some prisoners go stir crazy, shouting and screaming as they climb and claw their cell walls in despair.

That's what we call "entertainment" in these parts, yanno. They just tire so damn quickly.

But most of the time there is an eerie, pathetic silence.

Cue a couple ravens and a tolling bell and you get the picture...

On our two visits to the camp there wasn't a sound and it was hard to believe there was any life behind the wire at all.

So you guys missed out on all of the "stir crazy" shit? Hmm... I wonder where you got it from then.

Overhead, like extras in a bad movie, huge black turkey vultures lazily circled the parched landscape.

If you guys are thinking about writing movie scripts, please rethink... Your entire article is a bad movie...

The 30 who have tried to end their lives have taken desperate and pathetic measures. A few have used the plastic utensils issued with their meals to try and slash their wrists.

Some repeatedly banged their heads against the metal wall in their cells or punched the walls in frustration.

Punching the walls, a tried and true method of offing yourself.

Other men suffer from insomnia which in turn makes them anxious and then depressed. A few pace their cells manically or pass the time doing endless press-ups.

Extraordinarily, the military insist none of men's mental health has degenerated since being incarcerated in either camp and that all 37 had their psychiatric problems before being captured.

But you Mirror crapsmiths know better, don't you?

army chaplain Major Mike Merrill, a 35-year-old Southern Baptist preacher from Maryland who ministers to the guards and some of the detainees, admitted talk of suicide was common.

He said: "They are going through a very rough time. There are issues of loneliness, frustration, anger, emotional mood swings.

"They miss their families, they lose hope and lose sight of tomorrow. Like any prison there are a few individuals who will say, 'I don't want to live any more. I have no purpose'."

Merrill initially saw the one Christian detainee, but has converted five Muslims to Christianity and has lent them Bibles translated into Arabic. "I didn't try to convert them, they approached me," he added.

Surely this is a breach of their basic human rights as well?

The rear section of the cell has a 4ft x 4ft mesh window which allows - in theory - the breeze from the Caribbean to blow through the prison.

But the desert heat which sends temperatures soaring into the high 90s by 8am,

Take my word for it, you palefaced BritTwits, the high 90s ain't nothing 'round these parts. But of course, Dallas has always been known as a "desert city".

Disgracefully, yet just within the guidelines of the Geneva Convention,

I can almost hear you say "dammit!"

...they are allowed only two 15-minute showers a week when they are also given a freshly laundered orange two-piece prison suit.

...which is, more than likely, 10 times as much by way of hygiene as they ever received before.

Each time they are required to leave their cell they are shackled at the hands, waist and feet and escorted by at least two guards who tightly grip either arm.

Damn those evil Merkins! Keeping the poor misguided lamb from escaping! One might almost be led to believe that fanatic Islamofascists were dangerous!

Occasionally, in a rare moment of good humour, some of the captives sing Britney Spears or Madonna songs. Oddly, country singer Garth Brooks is a particular favourite.

I don't even wanna hear a Taliban rendition of "Wild Camels, keep draaagging me awaaaay...". Or "Like 72 Virgins". Not to mention "Oops! I Blew Up Again!"... What about the guards' "basic human rights"???

For the detainees each day is the same. They all ask what's going to happen to them. They all ask for lawyers. They all ask for some glimmer of hope.

...and I say:

"Fuck them!"

"Fuck them and the camels they rode in on!"
posted by Misha at 9/12/2002 07:13:00 PM

 

It Seems I'm Not the Only One.

Fellow blogger Whiggin' Out (who's got permalinks now, way to go, bro!) has noticed that it's somewhat difficult to get back up to speed today, blogwise. I'm glad to hear that, I thought it was only me...

Anyway, he then gets right back in gear and has a few choice words to say, if it should turn out that a certain ship has a nuclear device on board.

I don't have a problem with Ashcroft and Ridge being vague about the nature of the "specific threats" and handing out Code Oranges. But once they have located a nuclear shipment we must be told. And then we find the origin of address and insert a nuclear bomb. See I'm really unsteady today, and maybe I shouldn't be driving this laptop. But the delivery of a nuclear device, by ship or by cruise missile, is grounds for all out, total nuclear war. If you think that kind of talk is nutty then I ask you how you would have enjoyed yesterday if you had spent the day watching the flesh of your family members, children, pets and friends melt off of their bones while they shrieked in agony. Or maybe they would die a little more slowly over hours with pain the kind of which you cannot comprehend. Are you ready to kill our enemies before they kill us? Or are you too civilized and high toned for that. If you are then FUCK YOU.

Amen to that, brother!

If it turns out that the captain of this ship had plans for added fireworks yesterday and if we find the return address, then I too believe that the only right thing to do is to return the compliment.

If we cannot retaliate when enemies try to nuke us, then when, exactly, can we retaliate?

Deterrence isn't worth a whole lot if you prove to the world that you're afraid to back it up.

But let's see what comes of this whole affair.
posted by Misha at 9/12/2002 06:00:00 PM

 

Well I'll Be a Monkey's Uncle!

Sullivan Goes Fiskin'™ and does a damn good job of it too!

Go and enjoy his merciless deconstruction of the Hideous Hag of Hypocrisy, Susan Sontag.

(Only thing I have to say is: "Where's the profanity?", but then again, you knew I would...)
posted by Misha at 9/12/2002 05:45:00 PM

 

I Guess Kofi's Got Some 'Splainin To Do Now.

I must admit that I wasn't all that impressed initially with the President's speech at the UN General Assembly. I was hoping for something more powerful and aggressive, but that's just me (and I really don't think that we'd want the "Anti-Idiotarian Rott" to be speaking for the nation anyway. Sure, it'd get us going, but other than that... heh...).

But the more I read it, the more I read what he's saying between the lines and that's pretty forceful, if you ask me.

Consider such passages as these:

We've accomplished much in the last year -- in Afghanistan and beyond. We have much yet to do -- in Afghanistan and beyond.

"Afghanistan was only the beginning. We're not even close to being done."

In the Middle East, there can be no peace for either side without freedom for both sides.

"Democracy or the hammer falls."

[Hussein] has proven instead only his contempt for the United Nations, and for all his pledges. By breaking every pledge -- by his deceptions, and by his cruelties -- Saddam Hussein has made the case against himself.

"So quit bitching about me having to make it, it's right in front of you..."

He blames the suffering of Iraq's people on the United Nations, even as he uses his oil wealth to build lavish palaces for himself, and to buy arms for his country. By refusing to comply with his own agreements, he bears full guilt for the hunger and misery of innocent Iraqi citizens.

"So don't give me any more grief about the 'millions of starving babies', you numbskulled Idiotarians."

And my favorites:

Are Security Council resolutions to be honored and enforced, or cast aside without consequence? Will the United Nations serve the purpose of its founding, or will it be irrelevant?

Now that's fightin' words right there!

Either you practice as you preach or you're gone... History... Outta here... Strike one!

But the purposes of the United States should not be doubted. The Security Council resolutions will be enforced -- the just demands of peace and security will be met -- or action will be unavoidable. And a regime that has lost its legitimacy will also lose its power.

Now this is clearly aimed at the dictatorships of the Middle East in general and Saddam's in particular, but change "regime" to read "organization" and you have a statement that is equally true and extremely interesting in scope. At any rate, this is a clear: "Either you go along with us, or we go alone". Strike two!

And then the demands:

If the Iraqi regime wishes peace, it will immediately and unconditionally forswear, disclose, and remove or destroy all weapons of mass destruction, long-range missiles, and all related material.

...and "immediately" means exactly what it says. Not next week, not next month, but now.

...it will immediately end all support for terrorism and act to suppress it, as all states are required to do by U.N. Security Council resolutions.

You yourselves have demanded it, after all...

it will cease persecution of its civilian population, including Shi'a, Sunnis, Kurds, Turkomans, and others, again as required by Security Council resolutions.

Same thing: Start actually practicing as you preach, UN...

it will release or account for all Gulf War personnel whose fate is still unknown. It will return the remains of any who are deceased, return stolen property, accept liability for losses resulting from the invasion of Kuwait, and fully cooperate with international efforts to resolve these issues, as required by Security Council resolutions.

In other words: Hand over the keys and leave the house while we rifle through your stuff... Or else...

it will immediately end all illicit trade outside the oil-for-food program. It will accept U.N. administration of funds from that program, to ensure that the money is used fairly and promptly for the benefit of the Iraqi people.

"No more trading with Syria and we'll be administering your allowance for you, Soddy".

Of course, Soddem Hussein will never agree to this, seeing as he won't be in power for six minutes if he does, but since the vast majority of the demands are backed up by Security Council Resolutions, the UN can't object to them either without wearing their hypocrisy for all to see.

And when Sammy refuses to cooperate, as he will,

We must stand up for our security, and for the permanent rights and the hopes of mankind. By heritage and by choice, the United States of America will make that stand. And, delegates to the United Nations, you have the power to make that stand, as well.

...we'll finish him once and for all, whether the UN joins the party or not...

And there you have it: The UN has finally been put on notice.

Beautiful.
posted by Misha at 9/12/2002 05:31:00 PM

 

Public Service Announcement:

Some of you might have been trying to get to "Whacking Day" via my magnificent blogroll (and if you haven't, I'll hit you over the head with a rubber chicken, it's an excellent bloody site!) and been unable to get there.

Well, Tex seems to be having a hard time with the Red-Headed Stepchild of All Webhosts and, while he's dealing with that, he'll be offline for a bit.

I'll let him speak for himself:

ladies, gents.....

Some assistance please....

If I could grovel and beg for a favour: a brief mention on your blogspace that my site is down, and I don't know when it will be back up.

I had the misfortune to give my business to the world's most incompetent webhosting company. They're near the point of collapse...they've been bought out by another band of idiots who are moving all their servers to Houston. Needless to say...nothing is working properly and everything is behind schedule. I can't even put up a "be back soon" message

Whackingday.com could be back online tomorrow, or in a month for all I know. All permalinked articles can still be accessed but the intro page is dead as a doorknob. Of course, this *had* to happen on Sep.10.......

Regards,
Tex

You be back soon now, y'hear?

Can't go for too long without Tex's excellent whacks.

UPDATE: Damn! That was quick! Welcome back, Tex!
posted by Misha at 9/12/2002 10:54:00 AM

 

DECLARE WAR!
NOW!

posted by Misha at 9/11/2002 04:00:00 PM

 
(Been wondering if this is good enough to even post. I've been re-reading it, putting stuff in, taking stuff out, wording stuff differently and still. Well, here it is. My only hope is that it is, if not worthy of our fallen (I doubt that anything I could ever write would be that), then at least not an offense to them either. I just need to get it off my chest:)

Nine Eleven+365.

It's odd, really.

It's been a year now and still my feelings about what happened on that Terrible Tuesday are just as much a jumble as they were then.

Like a movie preview in fast forward, images and sounds in rapid fire sequence fill my mind whenever I close my eyes and think of that day.

Thousands of images: Planes cutting into the Towers like they were knives through butter, fireballs, pillars of smoke, people jumping a quarter mile to a violent death on the pavement below, rather than being burnt to death. Jumping one by one or holding hands, falling for what seemed like forever before they, mercifully, disappeared from the camera's field of view.

People running for their lives from plumes of debris, smoke and dust, people crying, people holding their heads, people... People of both sexes and all races under the sun, united in horror on that otherwise beautiful morning that will live on in infamy forever now.

Sounds of sirens, sounds of reporters trying desperately to make sense of what was going on, failing as miserably as all of us watching, the deep rumble when the towers folded on themselves...

Horror, disbelief, anger, shock, confusion...

But out of this chaos of sounds, sights and emotions, something crystallized inside of me that is as strong today as it was on that day when the world as I knew it ended:

It started out as a fiery explosion of rage, then turned into fierce anger and finally condensed into a small knot of cold hatred and determination.

It is with me to this day and I pray that it won't go away until the last of the swine responsible for, or supporting of, this atrocity are dead, hopefully experiencing all the pain and agony that this world can offer before a far too merciful fate snuffs out the last ember of life in them.

Am I being cruel and insensitive?

Maybe, but I don't give a flip. I really don't give a flying f*ck. I know it's a phrase often used and never really meant literally, but I can assure you that if I ever said anything I truly, honestly meant, it is this: I don't give a good damn what happens to those responsible. They could broadcast their fiery and painful ends in living color 24/7 and I wouldn't as much as wince. As a matter of fact, I think I might enjoy it.

And if I ever start doubting whether our cause justifies what lies ahead of us, all I have to do is to think of the 3,000 innocents who died on 9/11/01.

People kissing their spouses goodbye in the morning, not knowing that they'd never see each other again. Fathers and mothers giving their kids a last hug at the local daycare before heading off to work, kids that would be orphans before lunch. People strapped into plane seats, some on the way home, some going on vacation, some visiting relatives across the country, some going on business trips. Singles, couples and families.

All of them had two things in common: They had never done anything to deserve what was about to happen to them and they were most of them Americans. Our countrymen. Some of them our brothers, sisters, uncles, aunts, fathers, mothers, sons, daughters, friends... But all of them just ordinary human beings and all of them innocent.

And then the world as we knew it came to an end, not just for the people killed, but for the rest of us as well.

The world we knew was a safe place. We'd won the Cold War a short decade ago and we had no enemies left in the world who could seriously harm us. Of course there'd be the occasional clash between our soldiers abroad and the local fiends-du-jour, but there was never any doubt, in my mind at least, that that was as far as it would go. Our women and children would always be able to go to bed at night without fear of being killed the next day. Even the thought of American civilians being killed by enemies in our own backyard was absurd...

That complacency, that illusion of being safe that I was as guilty of as anyone else, was exactly why the world that we knew ended and will never be the same again.

Our enemies knew it and they took advantage of it and they killed 3,000 of us as a result.

Our enemies had calculated that our reaction would be shock... They got that one right.

The next one, they thought, would be anger... They got that one right too, in spades.

And finally they thought that we'd become fearful as a result of the horrible loss of life and retreat inside our shell, trading freedom and justice for the illusion of security, a security that would only last until the next demand, the next strike...

They got that one wrong, dead wrong.

They undoubtedly thought that our reaction would be the same as always: We'd bluster, we'd swear that we would bring those responsible to justice, lob a few Tomahawks at the Usual Suspects, after which everything would bog down in diplomatic doublespeak while we slowly retreated from the world to avoid another 9/11.

They should have read their history books.

If they had, they would've realized that, whereas we Americans may be willing to accept military losses, being in danger is part of the job, after all, you do never, ever attack the US itself.

If you do, you're dead.

The Japanese found that out the hard way in August of '45, almost 4 years after they'd pulled a fast one on us at Pearl Harbor on December 7th, 1941. They found it out when Hiroshima and Nagasaki got wiped off the maps.

4 long years it took us. Yet we never once budged from the initial goal of beating Japan decisively and conclusively, beat them so bad that they'd never rise again. Not once did we limit our goals to something more "achievable", 'cause we'd made a commitment back in '41 and we weren't about to change our minds about that. We were going to show the world in general and the Japanese in particular that you do not attack the US of A and that, if you do anyway, we will send you to your grave if it's the last thing we ever do.

And not only that, we helped do the same thing to the Germans at the same time.

If you kill Americans, you're dead, you're a dead man walking until we finally pull the plug on your unworthy existence.

And if the unmentionable murdering camel humpers who committed this atrocity on 9/11 had ever bothered to read anything else than their own ignorant, hateful, brain-washing propaganda, they would've known that, once the planes hit the Towers and the Pentagon, they'd signed their own death sentence.

No matter how long it takes, no matter what privations we'll have to suffer 'till the job is done, no matter how much we'll have to invest in the project and no matter what forces we will have to unleash on the barbarians who attacked us, we will be victorious!

There is nothing to negotiate, there will be no backing down, no wobbling, no faltering and failure is not an option.

The Cranio-Rectally Inverted, Murderous Islamofascist Pigs on Flight 93 got the first lesson in "Consequences of Attacking America 101" when ordinary American men and women, led by an ordinary American by the name of Todd Beamer made up their minds and decided that, if it was a choice between their own lives and those of thousands of other Americans, they'd rather go down fighting.

At best, they'd take over the plane and be saved, at worst, they'd die as they would have anyway, but at least they'd be the only ones.

Spurred into action by a phrase as American as apple pie, by a courage and conviction that it behooves all of us well to imitate in the days, weeks, months and years ahead, they became the first heroes to fall in our War on Terrorism.

"Let's Roll"

In a way it's a pity that the message never got through to the ululating morons in the streets of Gaza, Ramallah, Baghdad and the other cesspools of humanity spread all over the swamp of medieval oppression and barbarianism that goes under the name "The Middle East".

I say "in a way" because it's just as well that the message will now be brought home to them in a more forceful manner.

Like I said earlier, I will not shed a single tear for the ones that we will have to kill to achieve our goal.

I would like for it to be as bloodless as possible, but if we have to wade through mountains of our enemies' bodies to get to our goal, unconditional and total surrender, then that's what we're going to have to do.

The enemies of this nation have a choice now, just as the Germans and Japanese had: You can surrender, unconditionally, or you will perish. Eventually, you will realize that you cannot win, how many losses you take before you reach that point of enlightenment is entirely up to you. It's your responsibility and if we have to suck the better part of you out of the gene pool before you realize that you're fucked, well...

So be it...

The choice is yours, you filthy swine.

You started it and, if you agree to every single last one of our terms, you can end it too. If you don't, you can kiss your asses, your mosques, your madrassahs, your cities and your livestock goodbye.

Time to reap the whirlwind.

You think you can hide behind the UN?

Make me laugh, why don't you?

If you think for one feeble-minded second that we're gonna let an unelected body of dictatorships with a touch of democracies thrown in for good measure tell us what we can and cannot do to defend our men, women and children, you've got a second think coming and it's coming on the tip of a Tomahawk or a Trident, your choice.

The EU?

If they don't like it, they can just stay at home, it's not like we'd notice the difference anyway. They can whine, cajole and threaten all they like, they know just as well as we do that they've got nothing to back it up. Nothing whatsoever. Frankly I don't know why the Heck we're even seeking their approval, because even if they did approve, the effect would be nil.

You've got no friends left in the world, you stinking little brainwashed diaper heads, at least no friends of consequence. And you can either roll over and cry "uncle" and pray that we kill you quickly, or you can die in ways so horrible that your own sick imaginations cannot even touch upon the horror of it.

Doubt it?

Go to Hamburg, Berlin, Dresden, Hiroshima or Nagasaki and ask what the consequences of pissing Americans off are.

And you pissed us off, alright, make no mistake about it.

My children were born in October 2001, and they'll never know the world that their mom and dad did. Hopefully, we'll build something even better upon the ruins of those that would destroy us, but it all depends on you Islamofascist scum whether you're going to be part of it.

Either way, I don't give a shit.

My compassion for you guys died 365 days ago, it died when I heard not a peep from your clerics condemning the attack without a "but" attached to it, it died when I saw your illiterate, unwashed assholes of humanity dancing in the streets celebrating the death of thousands of my countrymen and it lies buried under the ruins of the World Trade Center.

I don't know for sure that we'll never recover more remains of our fallen heroes from that ash heap, but I doubt it.

What I do know is that my lost sympathy for you goatfucking buttmunchers will never be recovered, as long as there's a single one of you alive who does not condemn what was done on Terrible Tuesday without sticking a "but" at the end of it.

No "if"'s, no "but"'s, just acceptance that you're a bunch of howling idiots with a medieval system that needs to be changed for good and forever.

It's time that you assholes learnt what "submission" really means and you will learn it!

No forgetting,

No forgiving,

No compromising and

NO MERCY!!!

Remember our fallen heroes, don't let them have died in vain.

God Bless the United States of America.

UPDATE:I really don't want to plagiarize, but Megan McArdle's 9/11 post, apart from being beautiful in itself, quotes my favorite war poem, a poem that is more relevant now than ever, so I'll go ahead and post it here as well. Don't let that keep you from going to Megan's site to check it out, though, you'll be sorry if you don't go there. (and don't forget to click on the picture either!)

It made me cry, and that's not something that happens often. But I'm glad it did. Let my tears and those of others be the nourishment that feed the righteous cry for revenge and justice that emanates from the throats of millions of Americans.

In Flanders Fields

In Flanders fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses, row on row
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields.

John McRae, 1872-1918

Thank you for reminding me, Megan.

And one more update: Don't miss Lynn Sislo's contribution. She manages to combine the deep sense of loss that all of us feel with the necessary determination to win, and she does so in a way that is sure to touch your heart.
posted by Misha at 9/11/2002 06:45:00 AM

 

Well... Why the Hell Not...

Seems so many other people are going on about this latest 'fad', "sexism and the Blogosphere", so I might as well weigh in as well.

I just read Lynn's contribution to the debate, if one may indeed call it so, and she pretty much sums it up the way I would.

First off, she thinks it's just plain silly, to which I can only utter an "Amen, Sister", then she states that
"bloggers, big or small, male or female, link to other blogs that they are interested in. Why not? If few of them are women, then apparently women aren't writing stuff most bloggers are interested in."

And at the end, she finishes with words very close to my heart, namely:

"That's not to say that we should change. Blogging's about doing your own thing."

And that's the money quote for me.

Blogging is exactly 'bout doing your own thing. And when I come across a new blogger doing his or her own thing, it's the content and definitely not the sex of the blogger that determines whether I add him or her to the 'roll. If I added somebody simply for being female, that would be sexist, no?

Anyways, it's silly...
posted by Misha at 9/10/2002 09:33:00 PM

 

It's Been Way Too Long...

...since I've done some serious blogrolling and, in the process, I've cheated myself of reading some delicious and absolutely spot-on rants over at Rachel's place.

I can't pick one out, 'coz they're all that good, I can only recommend very highly that you go there and catch up immediately, if you haven't done so already.

A day without Rachel's unique brand of rant is like an egg without salt or, more appropriately, a terrorist camp without a big old Daisy Cutter dumped right in the middle of it during lunch hour.
posted by Misha at 9/10/2002 08:16:00 PM

 

The VodkaPundit Made Me Do It...

Always up for a challenge, I'll see if there's anything worth having a go at in this McEnroe piece (yes, that McEnroe):

September 11 is close at hand, but for most New Yorkers it has never been far away. Every time you see a fireman or a policeman you cannot help but reflect upon the enormity of what happened to our city. And I, personally, am still mystified by the thought that somehow someone justified all of that.

Considering that that "someone" was a frothing, foaming-at-the-mouth raving lunatic, I'm not all that mystified. The only thing that mystifies me is why the Hell it's taking us so long to pound him and his followers, supporters, cheerleaders etc. into a fine ground heap of decaying flesh.

The Civil War apart, we Americans have never felt the full horror of war so close to home; Pearl Harbour was too far away to have much impact upon the population. 9/11 was our reality check.

For many countries in the world and for thousands of people, war is something they have to live daily; we thought we didn't have to. In a weird way while at first it may have distanced us from the rest of the world I think - or at least I hope - in time it will bring us closer.

It'll certainly bring the servicemen and -women closer to the maniacs, at least temporarily until they wipe the shitheads off the face of the Earth, and maybe, just maybe, the rest of us can get closer too once we're done applying the Weed Whacker™ to the underbrush of Islamic Idiotarianism™.

As a boy I grew up believing everything was black and white.

...damn ancient TVs!

It came as a shock to discover that most things in life were grey and the most horrific example of that was the attacks on New York and Washington.

The terrorist attacks of 9/11 were a gray event??? The only thing gray about them was the cloud of smoke and dust that hung over the area after the Twin Towers fell, the rest, as I remember it, was all sorts of colors. Mainly I remember seeing everything through a red mist for a while...

You think to yourself, "How could someone justify that?" But they did.

Apportioning blame was not as cut and dried as people liked to think.

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:

The Idiotarian Early Emission Alert System has been upgraded to RED.

Please apply generous padding to tabletops and keyboards to avoid head injury.

I mean, didn't we arm Iraq in their war against Iran? And didn't we back that same Osama bin Laden, who wreaked such havoc and misery upon our country, in his fight against the Russians?

And didn't we explicitly tell Iraq and Osama that, if they ever felt like it, they'd be justified in turning these same arms on ourselves, seeing as how we'd evilly supplied them.

Oh Mr. McEnroe, will you please, please PLEASE sell me a used handgun? I cannot wait to apply your own "logic" to the useless bubble between your ears.

If there is any good to come from this act of evil it is that ultimately it may help us to understand what other people in the world are thinking, be they our friends or our enemies.

OK, here's a quick little lesson for you, designed specifically to be easy enough that you can wrap your Idiotarian head around it without too much difficulty.

Friends: Like us. They don't attack us. With me so far? There'll be a short quiz, so please pay attention.

Enemies: Don't like us. They sometimes dislike us enough that they're quite prepared to send airplanes into office buildings, killing thousands of innocents in the process.

Neither Friends nor Enemies: Yes I know I'm complicating matters here, but please stay with me, these don't give a hoot about us either way. Can safely be ignored.

That was simple, wasn't it? Now here's the conclusion: The second category needs to go, the sooner the better, lest we have more airliners flown into our office buildings. Or worse.

As a nation we've lost sight of that.

Speak for yourself, you Black Hole of Impenetrable Ignorance.

We have to improve communication, to be more aware of our shortcomings as well as our strengths.

Listen, you dumbfuck, if these other nations want to tell us they don't love us anymore, they can fucking send us a postcard. Not that I see what in the name of the pets of Odin your point with this babbling is, but I'm still hoping that you might eventually get around to clarifying that.

The lack of uniformity in the world's approach to dealing with terrorism is only further proof that we need to find common ground.

If it's all the same to you, I don't feel a particular need to find "common ground" with a bunch of appeasing wussies who are quite content with continuing to fund terrorism, as long as it's Americans and Jews that get killed. To put it less diplomatically, they can all go fuck themselves and the skinny, limp old nags that they rode in on.

I think that President Bush has realised he doesn't have the support he thought he had for an attack on Iraq;

I think that he's realized that too. I'm not as sure as you are that he ever thought for a second that anybody other than our true friends in Britain and Australia would actually back us up when push came to shove, though. It would take a particular brand of Idiot to think that the impotent, limp-wristed EUnuchs would have enough nads to muster an expeditionary force to deal with anything larger than Liechtenstein even if we assume, for the sake of argument, that they had any actual troops to contribute to such a force.

like all politicians he has just been seeing which way the wind is blowing before he bends with it.

Or maybe he's just been trying to find out who our real friends are and what our supposed friends really think, as you yourself suggested that we should do more often.

There are very few people who lead in the way Rudolph Giuliani, the former mayor of New York, did during last year's tragedy, who have a set of convictions and don't give a hoot about the next election.

In Rudy's case, you imbecile, it might have had a little to do with the fact that he couldn't run in the next election, though I'm sure that he'd have acted in much the same way if he could've. It does take the wind out of your beach ball a little, though, doesn't it?

And another thing:

It wasn't a "tragedy", it was an Act of War, you pus-filled cyst on the ovaries of humanity.

Here are some more definitions for you:

An oceanliner full of Idiotarians such as yourself hits an iceberg and sinks. That's an "accident".

If they can swim, it's a "tragedy".

In Britain, you had it with Winston Churchill during the Second World War. The world needs more people like them.

Hmm... That's odd... I never had old Winston pegged as somebody prone to "consulting world opinion" and "giving peace a chance" before acting. You must have him confused with Neville Chamberlain, but then again I don't suppose "Tennis 101" covers subjects such as "History".

At any rate, I'm totally confused now. A few paragraphs earlier you were advocating listening to our friends and babbling about "shades of grey", now you're asking for a leader who doesn't give a shit but acts on principle. Can you make up your everloving mind at least for long enough for me to give you a solid whack, right between the eyes, with my trusty old Clue Bat™, you blithering buffoon?

It was about a week after September 11 before I visited Ground Zero. Like most people I wanted to help but I didn't want it to be misconstrued as publicity-seeking.

Trust me, after September 11 most of us wouldn't have given a good kick in the head what an old washed-out, has-been tennis player was or wasn't doing. But I find it touching that you put your reputation higher than the needs of your countrymen, I also find it more than a little bit amusing that you were hesitant to go there while the President wasn't. But of course, you are more important than the President, we all know that.

Eventually I went down there with a policeman friend and managed to keep a low profile. As it turned out, people more competent than I were already helping.

I could've told you that, Johnny boy. I've known people more competent than you who couldn't tie their own shoe laces.

I have been more proud than ever to be a New Yorker these past 12 months. The way people have responded and pulled together in the face of adversity has been immensely gratifying.

...especially those who couldn't quite get themselves to go help out at Ground Zero because they were afraid that they'd be hounded by the media. Pompous twit.

It has been a test of their character - and it will continue to be. We flew the American flag outside our apartment for a while - a lot of people did. I don't know why but something about doing it made us feel good, there was something right about it.

I hope you made sure first that the brutish paparazzi weren't hiding outside waiting to snap your picture while you were doing it.

I hope they don't build anything on the site of the old World Trade Center, just a memorial. It would be incredibly inappropriate if they did. So you build one 60 storeys high instead of 110? What does that prove? What sort of show of defiance is that? You have to think of those who died there. That's where we've lost our perspective.

Yes, we need to all hang our heads in shame and contemplate, contemplate, contemplate. Now that's true defiance, the McEnroe way!

Getting back to normality this year has not been easy, since that in itself seemed the wrong thing to do.

Where you're concerned, it would be the exact right thing to do, although I'm not at all sure of the appropriateness of your use of the words "getting back to", as I have serious doubts that you've ever been there in the first place.

In travelling the world as a tennis player, I have a better appreciation of other countries than most Americans.

I bow to your wisdom, oh enlightened one. It bothers me a little that you don't seem to have learned much, but what can you expect? It's not like it's very educational hanging around the tennis courts, is it?

We could do with being a little less besotted with money, money, money, win, win, win.

...this coming from an Idiotarian who built his entire fortune on winning tennis games. The old irony-meter just exploded. But, considering Mr. McEnroe's performance as of late, one can certainly understand why he feels that it would be good if everybody would stop being so obsessed with winning.

When I am in England each summer people always ask: "Why don't English players win Wimbledon? They ought to be more like Americans and play to win." To my mind, it's time Americans started being more like the English - or at least learnt to lose with grace.

Yep, that's what he said: "Surrender and learn to live with it, you stoopid Merkins."

You just go ahead learning to lose with grace (you've gotten the first part down to a "T", the second part is wanting, though), Mr. Has-been McEnroe, the rest of us have a war to win.

Oh, and the next time you're abroad: You don't have to come back, yanno...
posted by Misha at 9/10/2002 07:30:00 PM