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Taking a Snarky Break™

It seems that "The Torch" has finally admitted that he's... well... torched...:

Senator Robert G. Torricelli of New Jersey, his campaign for re-election grievously wounded by questions about his integrity, said today he was retiring from public life rather than hurt the Democratic Party.

Damn, a Donkey with an elementary grasp of Politics 101!

It's a crying shame, I tell you.

Declaring that he "could not stand the pain" if his political vulnerability cost his party control of the Senate, Mr. Torricelli said it was of paramount importance that Democrats name a worthy candidate to defeat the Republican candidate, Douglas R. Forrester, a man who "does not belong in the United States Senate."

Thanks for the advice, Mr... What was your name again?

Good thing you were available for comment on the worthiness of candidates too, otherwise I might've had to resort to the advice of Gov. Dioxin "Sellout" Davis. Of course, I could also call Reps. Thompson, McDermott and Bonior (those are excellent names for top billing on "This Week's Executions for Treason", by the way), but the long distance rates would kill me. Besides, it would be hard to understand what they're saying when they're taking Mr. Hussein "deep throat".

Gov. James E. McGreevey, who stood near Mr. Torricelli during the senator's somber appearance in Trenton, said the state Democratic Party would ask the New Jersey Supreme Court to allow Mr. Torricelli's name to be substituted on the ballot for the Nov. 5 election.

Just Say No... Of course, that's never gonna happen in that State.

Mr. Torricelli, occasionally choked with emotion as he recounted his two decades on Capitol Hill, declared that it was time for him to become a private citizen again, once he completes his first and only Senate term in January.

"You gave me the only life I ever wanted," he said, addressing his remarks to the people of New Jersey. "I gave you 20 years of my life."

...Cue violins... And could you hand me a barf bag, please?

Nor is there much about that life that he would change, he said, recalling his pride in helping to achieve social programs and environmental measures. But now, he said, he himself has become the issue.

"I will not be responsible for the loss of the Democratic majority in the United States Senate," he said. "There is just too much at issue."

Pity.

Finally he gets a chance to do some good for his country and he balks at it. But he's a Democrap, so whaddaya expect?

Mr. Torricelli's decision came after a week in which his standing plummeted in public opinion polls and he was under increasing pressure from within his own party to step aside.

The horse's head in his bed was the final straw...

Senator Torricelli met on Sunday night with Governor McGreevey at Drumthwacket, the governor's mansion in Princeton, to discuss the Senate race. That meeting was followed by a discussion, also at the governor's mansion, with Democratic Party leaders and senior elected party officials.

...and a few fish wrapped in the NYT...

Mr. Torricelli's ethics difficulties,

Translation service: This is NYT-speak for "he got caught taking bribes" when it's a Democritter. If he'd been Republican, it would've been "Mr. [insert name here]'s involvement in shady deals and alleged connections to [insert major disaster occurring before, during or possibly after his time in politics]"

which culminated this past summer when he was admonished by his colleagues for accepting gifts from a businessman, have been blamed by political analysts for the dizzying plunge in his standing with the electorate — at least if the polls are accurate. Some polls have shown Mr. Torricelli going from a double-digit lead to a double-digit trailing position in just a few weeks.

The senator said he made his decision to withdraw after talking for hours with Governor McGreevey and Senator Jon Corzine, the state's junior Democratic senator, on Sunday night in the governor's study. He said he was unswayed by Senator Tom Daschle's opinion, offered to him this morning, that he could still win.

At least he's got the good sense to wipe his ass in Tiny Tom's advice, though I wish it hadn't been so.

In September alone, the Democratic Senatorial Campaign Committee spent $2.1 million on three television advertisements promoting Mr. Torricelli's positions on crucial voting issues in New Jersey, including abortion rights, environmental protection and gun safety.

What??? Not a word about The Children™? Oh, I forgot, his first issue sorta leaves them out.

The Forrester camp has been relentless in trying to make Mr. Torricelli's ethics the main campaign issue, and Mr. Torricelli has responded in kind.

Evil mean 'publicans! Here's the honorable Mr. Torricelli, nobly speaking about abortions for everyone (sadly, abortion was not an option when his mother was pregnant), close off the environment to everyone and only allow criminals to have guns and that EEEEEEEEEEEEvil Mr. Forrester questions his ethics? Oh, the HUMANITY!!!

And don't forget the lovely "and Mr. Torricelli has responded in kind"... He didn't start it... He was forced to! Mamaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!

As recently as Friday, Mr. Torricelli was vowing to keep pounding away at Mr. Forrester. "I must say I cannot respect a man who seems to have so little regard for the issues that are important to the people of New Jersey," he said in an interview with The Record of Hackensack.

I must say, however, that I cannot respect an Idiotarian who attempts to monopolize on "what's important for the poor, ignorant masses of New Jersey". It seems the good people of New Jersey tend to agree with me.

Throughout his political career Mr. Torricelli showed a flair for self-promotion, fund-raising and hardball partisan politics.

That's NYT-speak for "bragging, taking bribes from anyone with a briefcase full of money and lying about the opponent", when it's a Donk they're talking about.

I kinda wish that the slimeball would've stayed around for a Fisking at the polls, but I guess there's still a possibility that the wholly owned subsidiary of the Donk party, the judiciary of New Jersey, put a stop to his withdrawal.
posted by Misha at 9/30/2002 06:15:00 PM