The Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler

Rants and Raves from a proud card-carrying, unilateralist and simplistic American member of the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy. Oh, and full-time Emperor and Ruler of All the Known Universe and Every Last Organism in it as well.


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Saturday, September 28, 2002
The Presidential Campaign For 2004 is Heating Up
...and, for once, it's got a candidate I can endorse, the one and only Laurence Simon.

I know, I know... I must be the last person in the Blogosphereâ„¢ to post about this, but that's your Rottie for you: Always last with the first or something along those lines.

As a matter of fact, the reason that I haven't yet trumpeted my support all over this place is that I've been busy sulking and feeling slighted that he didn't nominate me for any positions in his cabinet. Luckily for me, I realized that this behavior was turning me into a right wing version of the whiny brat Al Gore, and I decided to pull myself out of the swamp by my proverbial bootstraps, wake up and smell the coffee and come out of the closet (and quit using senseless metaphors, but I had to scratch that one. After all, senseless metaphors are my raison d'etre).

However, the talented and erudite Lynn Sislo immediately saw my stellar potential and promptly nominated me for Secretary of State.

She's right, you know, I'm definitely the right man (or dog) for that position.

Foreign Relations might not improve a whole lot with me as Chief of Foggy Bottom, but lets face it: They aren't to great to begin with and we mostly don't give a sh*t anyways. What I can promise is that, during the Simon Administration, the EUnuchs will learn to know their roles and shut their holes and any and all tin pot dictators who dare call my office will be promptly redirected to the speaking clock of Nuuk, so they'd better start brushing up on their Esquimeaux right now!

Furthermore, I promise that every time a whiny Fuckwit from some third grade socialist shithole of Idiotarianism calls me and threatens us with some sort of backlash in "international opinion", I'll promptly answer "and we should care about this because?"

So there you have it: Misha for Sec-of-State, finally somebody who knows how to say "sod off" in several foreign languages...